Retrograde

(i’m in the process of migrating posts over from my more risque blog and merging that writing into my current incarnation)

I don’t know if Mercury is in retrograde or Venus has a heavy influence in my chart… But I happened upon a former “I don’t know what to call him” pics on Facebook.

And it shifted something in my soul.
We shared THE BEST KISSES. I needed to put that somewhere…

The Last Kiss

I see your picture

Your smile

And realize that  

You’re the last person I kissed

The last person I kissed

The last

 

The last person I kissed

With passion

And purpose

And love

The last person I kissed

That made my heart skip a beat

And my breath catch in my throat

And my smile begin from the inside

The last person I kissed

Whose voice touched every part of me

Whose laugh I felt was just for me

Whose smile made my day, every day

A kiss?

Just a kiss you say

Never just a kiss

Intimate and telling

Your energy breathing into mine

Creating a place for emotions

To blossom and grow

Setting the stage for connection

For knowledge beyond the physical

For now and for always

The last person I kissed

With passion

And purpose

And love

 

You’re the last person I kissed

The last person I kissed

The last

The last person I kissed

And meant it

 

I miss your kiss

©Hatiná Netsai 11-16-2013 

freestyle 7/26

 

head heart

sometimes, just sometimes
the night encompasses me
and I find myself
recounting moments
in my head that I was certain my heart
had forgotten
I remember the sound of your laughter
Or hear the tone of your voice
in the quiet
the memory of the way
you looked at me
or how comforted I felt
in your presence
can tip the balance
from alone to lonely
from content to melancholy
from right now to yesterday
and suddenly
there’s a knot in my throat
and my face is wet with tears
that I struggle to contain
until the darkness reminds me
that it’s okay.

Oxygen (NaPoWriMo day 22)

Breathe.
Breathe.

Her lonely is palpable
Solid
An entity unto itself
A weight pressed down
Nightly
As naked as newborn skin
Supple
Fluid
Void of love
Full of fear
This lonely lies in wait
Vacillating
Until she is in her most
Vulnerable state
Shallow breaths
Body at rest
Heart slowly beating
Beneath her breasts
This lonely knows
The wanton abandon
Of her soul’s true call
Hears the ominous tone
Bearing down
On her beauty
Cradling her throat
As she struggles for air

This Is a Play (NaPoWriMo day 18)

image

This is a play
On words
A play
On feelings
A play
Relationship
Because this shit ain’t real

This a play
On connection
A play
On affection
A play
On togetherness
Because this shit ain’t real

This is a play
On spending time
A play
On sexual chemistry
A play
With shared history
But this shit STILL ain’t real

This is a play
A performance
A one woman show
Because I damn sure ain’t got no man
And you think
That I can’t tell you’re
Just a fan?
A good time
A happy camper
No substance
No staying power
A flash in the pan
An extended one night stand
Once again, not my man
Good for a laugh
A roll
A tickle
Some fun
Not the one

Because
This is a play
But I don’t need your ass
Putting on shows
Anymore
So go

While Sitting in Whole Foods Contemplating Life (NaPoWriMo day 15)

image

Why do all the North African cab drivers congregate here?
Ooh one of them has a date today, he brought a woman!
What kind of job does this white lady have that she can sit in Whole Foods and do it for hours?
People probably think the same thing about me.
No they don’t.
I honestly can’t tell if that’s a woman or a man…
Eyelashes and all.
I guess that’s a good thing? Maybe?
Probably not.
I had a slice of pepperoni pizza.
I love pork, but Whole Foods takes freshness to another level.
That pepperoni smelled like a pig.
And it did not make me happy.
My fat ass still ate it though.
I’ve got to do a better job of amusing myself.
I felt insignificant all weekend, that’s not good.
This weather is killing my Spring break week plans with the chirren.
I need to wash clothes.
I need to buy clothes.
I’m am so tired of applying for jobs.
I feel defeated.
Yet I smile.
Laila said her doll’s hair was “bushy” this morning…
Where did she learn that word?
It tickled me.
I’m so nosy.
I can’t even fully listen to my music because I’m always in somebody’s conversation.
I want my hair braided.
It’s almost time to get out of here.
Later.

A Story About Family (NaPoWriMo day 16)

My sisters and I, circa 1983
My sisters and I, circa 1983

Today will always be a special day for me.

My parents were married on April 16, 1971.

And though the union did not withstand the test of time,
There was a lot of love.
From that bond, a family was created.
Four little girls were born.
Smart Hatiná, reading at 3 years old,
Compassionate Chisoni, taking care of everyone,
Spirited Autumn, beautiful inside and out,
Strongwilled Chaya, a fighter from birth.
And for a little while, we had a good time…
It wasn’t perfect, as no relationship is,
But it was ours.
Our time.
Our love.
Our family.
Momē we love you!
Daddy we miss you!
Thank you.

Q and A (NaPoWriMo day 8)

still playing catch up…

image

this thing you want me to figure out
I doubt
you dream about
but I imagine
nights long into dawn
knees hugged tight
to breasts
sheltering a heart so weak
shallow beats
glue drying still from the repairs
of last week
last month
last year
With elation and trepidation
(yes, fear)
I approach your request
for more
can’t be sure
so I must ask
“am I up to the task of love?”
“can I do this once again?”
… risk my smile
for your eyes on mine
risk my soul
my light
put this heart on the line
for what could be a might?
I know
you never gain a thing
without risk
no matter how great or small
sometimes we give it all
then fall
or falter
but rather
I’ve had the time
to figure out exactly what I want
in truth my heart’s desire
cowers
behind a mind that warns
“do not be blind”
when facing the revelation
that our ideals are the same
but that could change
how long will I blame my reflection
with its many imperfections
for a few instances of rejection
when I and everyone
can plainly see
how much I mean to you
and you to me
you bring sunshine
to my grayest days
warm my spirit
in a haze of tight embraces
and smiles on faces
lift me high
when I can’t see my own worth
become my earth
calm the fears
beneath the surface of my beaming face
wipe the tears away
make a place for me
in life
we are handed
not one guarantee
but if you place your hand in mine
take the time
days, hours, minutes, seconds
to keep me first
and quench my thirst
for truth
for love
for honesty
for connection—you and me
be my man
my king
my rock
my friend
my teacher
my coach
my boy
my muse
this ain’t a ruse
I got no excuse
to tell you no
so welcome to the show
I want you in my world
I’ll be your girl
the answer is
yes.