Daddy

It’s Father’s Day again.

imageMy dad was the greatest storyteller ever. It’s taken me this long to realize I probably get that gift from him. I miss him. There was never a moment in my life, whether I saw him every day or once a year, that I felt unloved by my father.

My father, Anderson Carthel Covington, passed away in 2002. He was a lot of things to many people. He was more than just my Daddy, he was the one person who “got me” from top to bottom. He always talked to me as a person, even when I was a little kid. He never sugar coated stuff and he wasn’t ever mean. And he loved his girls, all 4 of us.

Was he perfect? No.

Was he always there? No.

He had his own demons to fight. He used drugs, he went to jail, he had flaws as we all do. But he was a good man. He had a smile for just about everyone and he was loved so much.

Whenever I go to Orange, the small town in Virginia where my family is from, at some point some vaguely familiar person will walk up to me and say, “You’re Carthel’s daughter aren’t you? Which one are you?” And there’s always a smile and a story and an “I remember when…” That’s something. That’s a memory. That’s love. That’s my Daddy.

Happy Father’s Day to the men who inspire their kids to unimaginable heights by the simplicity of their presence and who make sure their babies know they are loved beyond measure every single day of their lives!

A Story About Family (NaPoWriMo day 16)

My sisters and I, circa 1983
My sisters and I, circa 1983

Today will always be a special day for me.

My parents were married on April 16, 1971.

And though the union did not withstand the test of time,
There was a lot of love.
From that bond, a family was created.
Four little girls were born.
Smart Hatiná, reading at 3 years old,
Compassionate Chisoni, taking care of everyone,
Spirited Autumn, beautiful inside and out,
Strongwilled Chaya, a fighter from birth.
And for a little while, we had a good time…
It wasn’t perfect, as no relationship is,
But it was ours.
Our time.
Our love.
Our family.
Momē we love you!
Daddy we miss you!
Thank you.

Q and A (NaPoWriMo day 8)

still playing catch up…

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this thing you want me to figure out
I doubt
you dream about
but I imagine
nights long into dawn
knees hugged tight
to breasts
sheltering a heart so weak
shallow beats
glue drying still from the repairs
of last week
last month
last year
With elation and trepidation
(yes, fear)
I approach your request
for more
can’t be sure
so I must ask
“am I up to the task of love?”
“can I do this once again?”
… risk my smile
for your eyes on mine
risk my soul
my light
put this heart on the line
for what could be a might?
I know
you never gain a thing
without risk
no matter how great or small
sometimes we give it all
then fall
or falter
but rather
I’ve had the time
to figure out exactly what I want
in truth my heart’s desire
cowers
behind a mind that warns
“do not be blind”
when facing the revelation
that our ideals are the same
but that could change
how long will I blame my reflection
with its many imperfections
for a few instances of rejection
when I and everyone
can plainly see
how much I mean to you
and you to me
you bring sunshine
to my grayest days
warm my spirit
in a haze of tight embraces
and smiles on faces
lift me high
when I can’t see my own worth
become my earth
calm the fears
beneath the surface of my beaming face
wipe the tears away
make a place for me
in life
we are handed
not one guarantee
but if you place your hand in mine
take the time
days, hours, minutes, seconds
to keep me first
and quench my thirst
for truth
for love
for honesty
for connection—you and me
be my man
my king
my rock
my friend
my teacher
my coach
my boy
my muse
this ain’t a ruse
I got no excuse
to tell you no
so welcome to the show
I want you in my world
I’ll be your girl
the answer is
yes.

I Did That.

image

Most of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing.

And half of that time I’m certain that I’m doing it all wrong.

I don’t make dinners from scratch every night.
Doing homework makes me irritable.
I know my stress levels make me a crabby mom sometimes.
I raise my voice more than I should.
I don’t always want to cuddle.
They watch too much television.
My answers to their questions are sometimes way too blunt.
They don’t drink enough water.

I have more negative self talk about my parenting than any other aspect of my life…

My kids are weird and I tell them so. Annoying. Their social skills seem askew to me. Sometimes they get me so frustrated I could launch myself into a wall. But I don’t. I am attempting to raise good people, release good souls into the world. I want them to understand that the way you treat others is more important than being treated by others. I want my children to be kind, show empathy, be mentally strong and have hearts that they don’t mind sharing.

But somehow, by God’s grace or good genes or magic, these kids thrive. They possess imagination out of this world. They love big. They smile a lot. They have lots of personality. No, they aren’t perfect, but they are loving and smart and funny. We laugh a lot. We aren’t traditional. We don’t have everything we want, sometimes don’t even have everything we need, but we survive. With love.

We are a family.
Built by me.
Procrastinating, introspective, unassuming, messy me.

I did that.

Day 4. Poem. (February 2014 Writing Challenge)

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The Last Kiss

I saw your picture today
Your eyes
Your smile
Your lips
And realize that
You’re the last person I kissed
The last person I kissed
The last

The last person I kissed
With passion
And purpose
And love
The last person I kissed
That made my heart skip a beat
And my breath catch in my throat
And my smile begin from the inside
The last person I kissed
Whose voice touched every part of me
Whose laugh I felt was just for me
Whose smile made my day, every day
A kiss?
Just a kiss you say
Never just a kiss
Intimate and telling
Your energy breathing into mine
Creating a place for emotions
To blossom and grow
Setting the stage for connection
For knowledge beyond the physical
For now and for always
The last person I kissed
With passion
And purpose
And love

You’re the last person I kissed
The last person I kissed
The last
The last person I kissed
And meant it

I miss your kiss

~ @tenacious_virgo

 

Today’s Hair.

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Subzero temperatures kept me indoors today. So I cowashed and moisturized my follicles.

Afterwards I was at a loss for what to do with my clean and manageable hair so I decided to experiment with flat twisting the back of my ginormous head. I don’t know what I’m doing but it didn’t turn out too bad. I have no idea what the twist out will look like in the morning but I’m curiously proud of my first attempt ever to manipulate my hair into something other than my standard two strand twists!