hindsight (NaPoWriMo day 1)



i wish we could go back.

i remember our very first chat.

it was a friday.  
you were on a train coming from nyc.
  i was sitting at my desk in my office way past the time for me to leave.
  you invited me over to eat that very first night.

i declined… but blew off my friends the next day and came to see you…

can i say best first date ever?

you were so very sweet with me.

it was january and cold. 
 you rubbed my feet.  we watched law and order, ate pizza and talked. 
 you told me how you didn’t want to be “just friends” with someone you cared about.

you made me smile.
  you touched my face and reached right through me and touched my heart in the same instant.
  i lay on your chest.  we kissed and kissed for what seemed like hours.
  we cuddled on the sofa.

it got late and I stayed over.
we cuddled more and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

in the morning you brought me orange juice.
  and fed me strawberry yogurt from your spoon.  
i thought it was the single sweetest act i had ever witnessed from a man i just met.

i think i fell in love with you in that moment.

you filled me up. the thought of you grounded me.
 you made me think. and feel. and laugh.

you still do.

i will always be your greatest supporter.
  your biggest fan.
  and as close a friend as you allow me to be.

i am not searching for perfection… 
just a man whose imperfections mesh with mine.

for a time i hoped that man was you.
  and for a time i knew it.

how do you miss a chance at happiness if you never take the time to find it?

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